"Yawning, I shambled downstairs. I thought Lola Nan had stopped hoovering, but when I pushed open the lounge door she was still at it, only the Hoover wasn't switched on. Her head jerked up and she stared wildly at me, shoving the vacuum cleaner back and forth. Her bone-white hair stuck out all over, as if she'd plugged herself into the socket by mistake.
'Want a cup of tea, Lola Nan?' I said.
'I can't hear you!' she shouted.
'Cup of tea?' I shouted back. God, I'd make someone a great husband one day. I was that used to humouring crazy women.
From Crossing the Line by Gillian Philip.